I continue my unexpected second act as a stockboy and no, a stockman at a liquor store. And if there’s one thing that jumps out at me every shift, it’s this:

The liquor industry has become a full‑blown marketing circus.

After decades in corporate America, I thought I’d seen every branding gimmick imaginable. But stepping into this world has been like walking into a funhouse of labels, names, and “creative” product positioning. Beer, wine, and spirits used to be simple. Now they’re… something else entirely.

Take blue curaçao, for example. It used to just be blue curaçao. Now it’s morphed into a product with a name so bold I can’t even type it without censoring it. Let’s just say a customer asked me for a bottle of Incognito… something, but couldn’t bring himself to say the full name.

So what did I do? I yelled across the store loudly asking if we carried INCÓGNITO PORNSTAR.

Not my finest moment.

The poor guy turned beet red and held up his phone like a shield, showing me the label. Turns out it was real, and we had just sold the last bottle the day before. To the alleged victim, my apologies.

Moments like that remind me how simple things used to be.

Then there was the older gentleman who proudly asked for Ménage à Trois at full volume. I guided him to the wine and exited the scene before he could ask for anything else.

And the woman searching for Cockburn’s Port? She couldn’t bring herself to say the name, so she flashed her phone at me like she was showing evidence in a courtroom. The bottle was literally right in front of us. I pointed. She blushed. We moved on.

It’s just port wine… right? How different can one port be from another? (That’s a question for the marketing department, not me.)

But the one that really stopped me was Gay Agenda Beer. I turned around and found myself staring at a can featuring a man with a hairy chest lounging confidently on a pool chair. I have no issue with anyone’s identity, but I’m still not convinced that a shirtless guy on my beer can make it taste better.

Call me old‑school, but I prefer flavor over theatrics.

And honestly? The Germans still make better beer anyway. Just like Hooters doesn’t necessarily make better chicken wings. Sometimes the marketing is louder than the product.

Quality vs. marketing. It’s a battle as old as commerce.

As I learn my way around the store yes, even the infamous Pornstar Cocktails give you two shots in the can. I find myself thinking more about what actually drives people to buy what they buy. Is it taste? Habit? Identity? Or are we all just being played by clever labels and loud branding? What did I just get two shots of?

I’m a stockman living in a corporate world, watching consumer psychology unfold one bottle at a time.

Are we choosing… or being chosen?

Rock on.